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May 27, 2008

Why Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull Sucked

Poor dialog.

Hands down the worst dialog out of all four Indiana Jones movies. Instead of existing to propel the plot of this film, a large portion of the dialog was used to fill in the gaps between the four films. In perilous situation, while surrounding by the enemy in an encampment, Indy and company start having a family reunion right in the middle of them like “the bad guys” are not even there. This usually would be interesting, adding levity to a tense situation and the film itself. In Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull it is badly scripted and boring.

Disappearing plot points.

Irina Spalko tries to read Indy’s mind at the beginning of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull then never attempts it again. It’s not even mentioned. Why? Her character would have been far more interesting if she had some sort of extra-sensor ability and used it throughout the film to her advantage. And what happened to what the Russians initially stole from Hanger 51?

Over-the-top action.

The nuclear explosion. Oh please. Just because a refrigerator is lined with lead doesn’t mean the rubber sealing the door to the rest of the appliance is also. What about the intense heat? The eradiated outside of the refrigerator?

Dubious special effects quality.

Stephen Chow must be having himself a chuckle that Industrial Light and Magic are using effects with the quality found in his films.

Indiana Jones’ overt willingness to help Irina Spalko.

Indy seemed happy to be helping the three time recipient of The Order of Lenin with locating El Dorado on maps and in discussions. Why? Why not mislead her?

The Tarzan/Monkey Moment.

When this occurred in the third act, any smidgen of remaining reality in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull vanished, never to be found again. I literally could not believe what I was seeing. I couldn’t believe that they included something so finitely cheesy in a film this long in development.

The X-Files ending.

Give me a frelling break with the ending to Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. I’ve seen it before in The X-Files’ movie where it was vastly more appropriate, more exciting and better filmed.

Sorry Mr. Spielberg. I want my money back.

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  • http://www.reelwhore.com/ waywardjam

    YES! The Tarzan moment sucked mega-donkeyballs! I am already beginning to begrudge Shia as the golden boy of Spielberg, and that didn’t help.

    I thought a lot of the same things about the fridge, special effects and dialog. I’ve said this in another comment but really, Spielberg and Lucas took twenty years to come up with a film about aliens? You’re kidding me?!

    All that said, I still enjoyed it as a mindless summer flick and think there’s nothing wrong with ludicrous, just would’ve been nice to give the audience a heads up before they go to the theater next time.

    waywardjams last blog post..My 2 on Indy 4

  • http://www.reelwhore.com waywardjam

    YES! The Tarzan moment sucked mega-donkeyballs! I am already beginning to begrudge Shia as the golden boy of Spielberg, and that didn’t help.

    I thought a lot of the same things about the fridge, special effects and dialog. I’ve said this in another comment but really, Spielberg and Lucas took twenty years to come up with a film about aliens? You’re kidding me?!

    All that said, I still enjoyed it as a mindless summer flick and think there’s nothing wrong with ludicrous, just would’ve been nice to give the audience a heads up before they go to the theater next time.

    waywardjams last blog post..My 2 on Indy 4

  • http://film-book.com/ filmbook

    You’re right about a mindless summer flick but I wasn’t expecting Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to be mindless, not with Lucas and Spielberg behind it. Not with all of the development that went into it. I was expecting a high-end, great action flix staring a character I grew up with. I have seen MacGyver episodes that were better than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

  • http://film-book.com/ filmbook

    You’re right about a mindless summer flick but I wasn’t expecting Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to be mindless, not with Lucas and Spielberg behind it. Not with all of the development that went into it. I was expecting a high-end, great action flix staring a character I grew up with. I have seen MacGyver episodes that were better than Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.

  • http://www.reelwhore.com/ waywardjam

    MacGyver – ouch!

    I think that’s the issue I’m wrestling with, a movie by any other creators – how much more forgiving would I have been?

    waywardjams last blog post..My 2 on Indy 4

  • http://www.reelwhore.com waywardjam

    MacGyver – ouch!

    I think that’s the issue I’m wrestling with, a movie by any other creators – how much more forgiving would I have been?

    waywardjams last blog post..My 2 on Indy 4

  • http://film-book.com/ filmbook

    Everyone is being forgiving of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because its their beloved Indy. Its crap. Judge the film on its merits not on fond memories of bygone Indiana Jones films.

    Look to The Tarzan Moment. The Nuclear Explosion. There-in lies the truth of the matter.

  • http://film-book.com/ filmbook

    Everyone is being forgiving of Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull because its their beloved Indy. Its crap. Judge the film on its merits not on fond memories of bygone Indiana Jones films.

    Look to The Tarzan Moment. The Nuclear Explosion. There-in lies the truth of the matter.

  • http://www.belt-buckle-knife.com/blogs/phil-weaver Phil

    Haven’t seen it but my wife been trying to drag me to it. Looks like a lot of fun and i did like the first three. Does sound like they could have chosen a better plot though. Aliens? Hmm

    Oh well I’ll have to do an Indiana Jones marathon and then go see it.

    I do get the feeling that Indiana Jones to my wife was what Cap’n Jack is to the girls today though.

    Phils last blog post..Skull belt buckles

  • http://www.belt-buckle-knife.com/blogs/phil-weaver Phil

    Haven’t seen it but my wife been trying to drag me to it. Looks like a lot of fun and i did like the first three. Does sound like they could have chosen a better plot though. Aliens? Hmm

    Oh well I’ll have to do an Indiana Jones marathon and then go see it.

    I do get the feeling that Indiana Jones to my wife was what Cap’n Jack is to the girls today though.

    Phils last blog post..Skull belt buckles

  • http://film-book.com/ filmbook

    Don’t get me wrong Phil, the film begins well. I loved the car racing across the desert. Watch it and judge it for yourself but remember. You’ve been warned.

  • http://film-book.com/ filmbook

    Don’t get me wrong Phil, the film begins well. I loved the car racing across the desert. Watch it and judge it for yourself but remember. You’ve been warned.