Film Review: FIRESTARTER (2022): New Remake of Stephen King’s Horror Story Crashes and Burns Despite Plot Changes

Firestarter Review

Firestarter (2022) Film Review, a movie directed by Keith Thomas, written by Scott Teems and starring Zac Efron, Ryan Kiera Armstrong, Sydney Lemmon, Michael Greyeyes, Gloria Reuben, Kurtwood Smith, John Beasley, Tina Jung, Hannan Younis, Jeremy Ferdman, Jamillah Ross, Sheila Boyd, Darrin Maharaj, Danny Waugh and Lanette Ware.

1984’s moderate success, Firestarter, was based on a Stephen King story and had the interesting touch of the John Carpenter replacement Mark L. Lester. That film is a bit dated now and the cost of a ticket back then (when it was originally released) was a mere $2 or $3. The standards for movies have changed over the years but this new remake, unfortunately, has a threadbare (though modernized) plot and not enough thrills to warrant its place in a market where films like this one are a dime a dozen. The 1984 movie starred Drew Barrymore in the title role and she was coming off a role in the biggest movie of all-time back then (E.T. The Extra Terrestrial). Though Ryan Kiera Armstrong does an OK job playing the lead part in the remake, she’s no Drew Barrymore.

This remake opens with a little baby girl named Charlie McGee setting a fire from her crib. And not with matches either. It’s an unwanted power. Charlie’s parents are Andy (Zac Efron) and Vicky (Sydney Lemmon). When, years later, we meet Charlie (now played by Armstrong), she’s struggling to feel happiness in her life as she has no Wi-Fi in her home nor does she even have a cell phone. Charlie is struggling to make friends in school and gets made fun of. When she sets a shocking scene in her school bathroom, the faculty of the school is unpleasantly surprised and wants to know what can be done about Charlie’s unusual difficulties. The real problem lies in the fact that the head of The Department of Scientific Intelligence, Captain Hollister (Gloria Reuben) wants to get a hold of Charlie. When they finally meet up, Hollister tells Charlie to call her “Cap.” Pretty lame.

From burning her mother’s arms to accidentally frying a cat to death, Charlie’s powers are a real problem. Those issues aren’t all as bad as the fact that this film has a slew of supporting players who march through the film as if they’re simply collecting $200 to pass “Go.” There are no characters in this movie who are likable. From the poorly written Rainbird (Michael Greyeyes) to an old guy named Irv Manders (John Beasley) who gives Charlie and Andy a lift, one actor falters after another except for the all-time great, always terrific Kurtwood Smith (Robocop) who plays a central role in the picture playing Dr. Joseph Wanless who has a pivotal role in the ridiculous plot.

There is no shortage of scenes that make little to no sense such as when Efron’s Andy, a self-help expert, accepts $75 on a $100 tab from a client (Hannah Younis) to make her feel good about herself. Andy’s a nice guy whether you believe his kindness or not. Considering how badly he needs money to support his family, his gestures don’t ring true here. As school staff at Charlie’s institution of learning, Tina Jung and Lanette Ware are underused to a fault in this picture. Even the bullies who annoy Charlie aren’t dealt with properly. We should be cheering when Charlie gets her revenge but the scene here where she does is cut so fast, we don’t even get that joy.

The last scenes in the picture are downright disappointing in every respect of the word. As Charlie tries to rescue her dad Andy, we’re left scratching our heads in wonder as the film reveals plot developments which don’t fulfill viewer expectations at all. Stephen King had a solid run with film after film making money in the 1980’s. Then, great adaptations of his work such as The Shawshank Redemption and The Green Mile came along. A remake of Firestarter which is not even mediocre doesn’t cut it these days when considering how well King’s work was adapted over the years.

I would certainly be the Grinch if I didn’t mention the efficiency of some of the work of Ryan Kiera Armstrong who does what she can to live up to Drew Barrymore’s legendary turn in the original 1984 picture. Armstrong doesn’t leave a bad taste behind at all because she gives the part everything she has. It’s not her fault that the script is underwritten and that the ending will leave audiences filling out a “CinemaScore” card of “C-” or less. The CinemaScore grade of the new Firestarter hasn’t been revealed at the publication time of this review. If anyone rated this film above a “C-,” though I would be very surprised.

Firestarter is proof that trying to improve upon something that doesn’t need tinkering with can back”fire” with results that will leave viewers not only disappointed but skeptical of future King remakes which are in the works. I hope the promised remake of Christine doesn’t turn out like this.

Rating: 4.5/10

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