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The Final Chapter
I regret to report that there is no discernible moment from my first viewing experience of 2009’s Friday the 13th reboot. No poetic ramblings about the feeling I had as the lights dimmed in my local theater or when I plucked that DVD case from a Blockbuster rack. But frankly, it doesn’t deserve it. This film is wildly messy, unconsciously stupid, and so dark (literally) that it’s nearly impossible to see what’s happening in the final act.
You might be asking yourself why this 4-part series would conclude with such a subpar film. It’s because this movie would mark the end of the Hollywood remake craze as we know it. Although A Nightmare on Elm Street came out a year later, it’s a film you can safely skip altogether. Friday the 13th was a last-ditch effort to use every drop of gas left in the tank before the wheels came off. And even though it falls flat on its face and misses the finish line in spectacular fashion, sometimes the real value comes from who you’re watching it with, not what you’re watching.
We’ll Always Have Crystal Lake
Many people anoint Halloween as the original slasher film, and that may be true, but it’s when Friday the 13th comes out in 1980 that the subgenre is blown wide open. It’s the movie that spawned films like Graduation Day, Prom Night, Final Exam, Terror Train, The Dorm That Dripped Blood, Splatter University, My Bloody Valentine, and countless others in its wake.
And it all started with a magazine ad.
The phrase “fake it until you make it” is ubiquitous with Hollywood for a reason. Before screenwriter Victor Miller ever penned the screenplay, director Sean S. Cunningham (no relation) took out an advertisement in Variety. A brilliant marketing move that featured the title of the film smashing through glass in black and white print. Cunningham, a good friend and creative partner of Wes Craven, was a producer on The Last House on the Left and wisely placed that in the ad copy, right above “The Most Terrifying Film Ever Made!” Before Jason Voorhees was ever conceived, the buzz for the film began.
Once important things like film financing and a finished screenplay were settled, a twinkle-eyed cast of young New York actors set out for rural New Jersey to shoot. The original Friday the 13th doesn’t get nearly the credit it deserves. Aside from inspiring the slasher craze of the 1980s, this is a very well-directed movie with excellent talent that includes a pre-Footloose Kevin Bacon. On a budget between $550K and $650K, Friday the 13th would pull nearly $60 million from theaters and the rest is history.
“His Name Was Jason”
From launching a subgenre to being the last one in the bar at last call, everything would come full circle for Friday the 13th in 2009. By this time, Platinum Dunes had solidified their reputation as the remake production house in town and what better property to keep their streak alive than the hockey mask-wearing juggernaut himself? Hell, they even tap The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (2003) director Marcus Nispel to helm the project. Unfortunately, he forgot to bring any of the gritty and inventive filmmaking tactics that worked in that movie with him.
All the issues people associate with this period of horror filmmaking are fully on display here. It’s too slick, nothing feels lived in, the characters are past the point of idiotic, and the story is absolute garbage. Any fan of the series would laugh at the notion of Jason Voorhees holding someone prisoner, and most of them did.
It does manage to nail one pivotal aspect of any Friday the 13th sequel and that’s Jason Voorhees. The character that looms largest around the campfires of Crystal Lake. Jason doesn’t make his introduction to the franchise until the 1981 sequel and it’s not until Part 3 that he finds his infamous hockey mask. Derek Mears picks up the mantle in 2009, and he is an absolute beast on the screen. Instead of Jason’s traditional slow and menacing movements, Mears stalks the lake like a linebacker. There’s a brutality to his attacks that the prior eleven films don’t use. He gets the full-blown reboot treatment and it’s killer.
Trent vs. Clay
The movie opens with a nearly 30-minute flashback scene of five college kids looking for a marijuana farm in the woods before Jason hacks them to bits. It’s a bummer too; they would have been more fun to follow than the actual leading cast we get. The rest of the film follows a whole different set of college dummies who head to Trent’s (Travis Van Winkle) lake house for some good old-fashioned debauchery.
Along for the ride are Trent’s girlfriend Jenna (Danielle Panabaker) and friends Chewie (Aaron Yoo), Bree (Julianna Guill), Lawrence (Arlen Escarpeta), Nolan (Ryan Hansen), and Chelsea (Willa Ford). They act as little more than meat for Jason to carve through. The issue doesn’t necessarily lie in their performances, but more in the paper-thin writing that they have to work with. The characters are about as deep as a Toyota commercial.
A parallel story follows Clay (Jared Padalecki in all his Supernatural glory) in search of his sister. She was part of the opening group and is being held captive by Jason. Yes, we get a Trent and Clay confrontation that almost comes to blows, but cooler heads prevail. Thank God we don’t have a Chad running around Crystal Lake. The center couldn’t hold. Our world would collapse. It’s no surprise that two years after Friday the 13th, horror-parody The Cabin in the Woods would come along and almost directly rip into this movie. Only in that film, their composite characters are intended to be shallow cliches.
This movie held an unfavorable record upon its release. On a budget of $19 million, Friday the 13th would clear a staggering $43.5 million opening weekend, but the good vibes didn’t last. Box office receipts would drop a record-setting 85.5% after its second weekend, earning only $2.8 million. It seems the horror audiences excited to see the movie caught it opening weekend, and then almost nobody else. Ouch.
Good Friends and Bad Movies
Few things are more entertaining than watching a movie that’s perfect for talking over or outright making fun of. Throw in a case of beer and some junk food and you’re in for a hell of a night. When I’m lucky enough, I get together with a close friend of mine to watch films of this caliber and crack a couple cold ones. It’s become more of a therapeutic ritual in recent years.
The memories I do have of this movie are the days we spent in his apartment laughing uncontrollably when Trent and Clay square off or after Jason slaughters a redneck marijuana farmer. Not everything is going to be Citizen Kane and that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy it all the same. Most horror movies today take themselves too seriously or they push transgression to the point of utter irritation. This is a genre built on excitement and fear, exploitation and sleaze. Does the content offend you? Good, kick back and pour another drink.
Yes, this series was about exploring how films shaped our youth and the ways real-world and personal tragedy can alter those viewing experiences, but at the end of the day these remakes are just plain fun. And I’ll always have a special place in my heart for movies like that.
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